​We often can't see what's right in front of us.
If you've ever searched frantically for those missing car keys that sit on the counter in plain sight (as if mocking you) or "lost" your glasses that were sitting on your head the whole time, then you have an idea of this weird phenomenon.
And, if you've ever worked toward a long-term goal, you probably know this feeling all too well. Here's a few examples. Have you ever:

• Start a DIY project in your house that looks 10x worse AFTER you started and you wonder how you got yourself into this mess? Closet cleaning is a lot like that for me.
• Took up a new hobby and felt just clueless as you work your way through those agonizing first days/weeks/months of getting the hang of it? When I first started crocheting, the beautiful squares I wanted to make looked more like abstract trapezoids.
• Set a big goal and judged yourself by the fact that you haven't reached it, yet, even though you're working your ass off? 

That last one is how I've been feeling lately with my health goals. Actually, it's more accurate to say I have a major disconnect between how I actually FEEL and the measurable/visible progress I see.
I thought taking some progress photos would help get my head on straight. 
It didn't work exactly the way I planned. 

I'm writing this not to look for validation. I want you (and myself, really) to see how my brain processes this disconnect.
All the pictures on the left (in red) are from July 2017--close to 400 pounds. Pics on the right are today, July 29, 2021, at somewhere around down 100 pounds. 
What I found most interesting is how I see the most progress in my headshot. Oh, the irony.
Why? Because when I look at these photos, I don't see a lot of physical change. Yes, I know there is a difference from the first photos to the current ones. I'm not totally in denial.
In my MIND I feel like a completely different person. I see that difference in each newer photos--my face has always been a mirror to my thoughts. I can certainly see the change in expression and life in my eyes that wasn't there before.
But, I look at the body and...well, there's no running away from the fact that I'm still morbidly obese.
Over the past four years, I've found ways to change my diet, my activity, and my habits. Yet, I continue to struggle with changing how I react to seeing myself. 
I don't think this is a unique experience. That's another reason why I'm writing this all down. It's all part of the process I've never really encountered before in my many attempts at making last changes and losing weight consistently.
The sadness and frustration I've been feeling lately comes from wanting my body to be where I FEEL I am. I'm someone who feels enough energy to run 6 days a week. I'm a person who is eating healthier than I ever have in my life. I'm now a person who looks for ways to push myself out of my comfort zone in numerous ways. The changes I've made are extraordinary and even saying that is uncomfortable for me at times.
I am learning more about the person I'm becoming each day--and it's not easy to see constant reminders of the person I was when it comes to my body. I don't look like a person who is living a healthy life.
I also know that the old me never got far enough to experience these feelings and the conflict they create. I'm guessing if she did, she'd quit. 
I have no plans on doing that. I just have to honor the feelings, face them and then move forward.
If you're feeling stuck, like you're not making progress in your goals and it feels like you'll never get there, I'm here to tell you that you're not alone. 
I'm right by your side. 
I'm grateful you're here to walk the road with me.
Let's face these feelings together! ​

Happy Friday everyone! It's been an amazing week away, but I'm glad to be home!
You saw photos of the trip, which was fantastic, but let's chat about how I did with my habits while I was gone. Here's the dirt:

1. I stopped tracking my meals after the first day and a half.
2. I didn't drink enough water the first couple of days, but got better as the trip went on.
3. I ate past full a few times.
4. I ate lots of treats and not enough protein.

But, you know what? It's all going to be ok. Want to know how I know? It's a new concept for me and I just had to share...​

When I was looking for a way to change up taco night and make it a little lighter, I came across a recipe from The Stay at Home Chef using chicken. 

The original recipe uses thigh meat, which was good. But, I like to use chicken breast tenderloin. It gives a good boost of protein while being lean. And, because you can cook it quickly, I've never had an issue with the meat drying out the way large breast cuts can do sometimes.

The trick to this recipe is getting the pan really hot before putting the marinaded meat in to cook and letting the meat rest to keep its juiciness.

If you're worried about the heat of the cayenne, you can leave it out. However, I don't usually like spicy food and this dish is one of my favorites.

And talk about convenient! You throw it all together earlier in the day (or the night before if you want) and it cooks up so fast and easy. 

I wrap the chicken in low carb tortillas, add some veggies, shredded cheese and salsa for a tasty taco meal! 

Enjoy!

Note: I've also tried this marinade with center cut pork chops and they were delish!

A good friend of mine hit me on FB Messenger yesterday morning with a question:

"Thoughts on weighing in daily?"

My first thought was, "Were you in my bathroom this morning when I stepped on the scale and wonder why I do this shit to myself every day?"

In her message she added she's been tracking her food and working with a trainer. She's doing all the right things.  She was weighing in weekly, but her trainer has asked her to try daily for a while. 

So, she stepped on the scale and despite doing all the right things, the scale showed a gain of more than a pound.

I had my own 1.4 pound gain overnight. So, that's why the timing amused me.

This is what weighing in daily looks like for me.