We often can't see what's right in front of us.
If you've ever searched frantically for those missing car keys that sit on the counter in plain sight (as if mocking you) or "lost" your glasses that were sitting on your head the whole time, then you have an idea of this weird phenomenon.
And, if you've ever worked toward a long-term goal, you probably know this feeling all too well. Here's a few examples. Have you ever:
I thought taking some progress photos would help get my head on straight.
It didn't work exactly the way I planned.
I'm writing this not to look for validation. I want you (and myself, really) to see how my brain processes this disconnect.
All the pictures on the left (in red) are from July 2017--close to 400 pounds. Pics on the right are today, July 29, 2021, at somewhere around down 100 pounds.
What I found most interesting is how I see the most progress in my headshot. Oh, the irony.
Why? Because when I look at these photos, I don't see a lot of physical change. Yes, I know there is a difference from the first photos to the current ones. I'm not totally in denial.
In my MIND I feel like a completely different person. I see that difference in each newer photos--my face has always been a mirror to my thoughts. I can certainly see the change in expression and life in my eyes that wasn't there before.
But, I look at the body and...well, there's no running away from the fact that I'm still morbidly obese.
Over the past four years, I've found ways to change my diet, my activity, and my habits. Yet, I continue to struggle with changing how I react to seeing myself.
I don't think this is a unique experience. That's another reason why I'm writing this all down. It's all part of the process I've never really encountered before in my many attempts at making last changes and losing weight consistently.
The sadness and frustration I've been feeling lately comes from wanting my body to be where I FEEL I am. I'm someone who feels enough energy to run 6 days a week. I'm a person who is eating healthier than I ever have in my life. I'm now a person who looks for ways to push myself out of my comfort zone in numerous ways. The changes I've made are extraordinary and even saying that is uncomfortable for me at times.
I am learning more about the person I'm becoming each day--and it's not easy to see constant reminders of the person I was when it comes to my body. I don't look like a person who is living a healthy life.
I also know that the old me never got far enough to experience these feelings and the conflict they create. I'm guessing if she did, she'd quit.
I have no plans on doing that. I just have to honor the feelings, face them and then move forward.
If you're feeling stuck, like you're not making progress in your goals and it feels like you'll never get there, I'm here to tell you that you're not alone.
I'm right by your side.
I'm grateful you're here to walk the road with me.
Let's face these feelings together!
I'm Marie. I'm working toward a 200 lb. weight loss goal. I'm doing it with baby steps. Follow my journey here.