On paper, my day looks pretty damn good.
As my husband and I walked into the Y, we both grumbled a little bit about our fatigue. We're just about 2 weeks into our new exercise routine.
Me: My right foot is cramping and I haven't done a damn thing, yet.
Him: Mentions something about being tired. I admit I don't remember exactly what because I was pissed I was already uncomfortable.
Me: But, here we are, taking care of our bodies! And, this is the thanks I get?
The thanking wasn't over.
My left foot kept cramping. My right foot joined along. Then, I got cramps in places I won't even mention. I wanted to stop, but I didn't. I got to my 10K on my Fitbit.
I could barely move when I got off the recumbent elliptical. Unlike previous workout days, I didn't feel tired, yet somehow energized. I felt......
Yep. That's about it.
The nice lady at the front desk who's been cheering me on every day offered her daily dose of support.
"You've really got a routine going now! That's great!"
I managed a thank you as we left. I waddled in discomfort to the car, got in and did my best impression of the baby above.
It wasn't the ugliest cry I've ever had; but, it was a decent one.
I'm angry at myself for getting myself into this situation
I feel totally fat today. I mean, come on. I'm fat every day. But today I feel especially big. The brain is such a bastard sometimes.
I feel like I'm not making progress - even though I know I am. I just can't see it yet. Bitchy brain.
BTW, those are my new nicknames for my inner voice - Bastard Brain and Bitchy Brain.
In other words, I had a pity party.
I've been working so hard. I know I can't snap and get healthy and look better. But some days, damn it, that's what I want.
I feel like my mind is constantly dealing with trying to keep everything in line. Am I eating too much? Too little? Drinking too much? Not enough? Getting in enough exercise?
Make it stop! Just shut the hell up, Bitchy Brain!
One day this will become more second nature. After two months of this new focus on me, I think today was one of those days I just felt like I'd seen enough. Fade to black. I'm done.
I wanted to come home and eat something. I grabbed a bottle of water and my computer instead.
For the record, I think the cramps are because I usually get in about 100oz of water in a day. Fell quite short of that. Between that and the later hour of working out, that was probably enough for my body to revolt.
The Bitchy Brain voices have gone quiet for tonight. Tomorrow is another day.
I'm Marie. I'm working toward a 200 lb. weight loss goal. I'm doing it with baby steps. Follow my journey here.
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